Your band sucks the goat's penis

Some people should never be allowed to wield musical instruments.

I tried playing the guitar once years ago. I had big dreams of rock stardom and women hanging off my arms and other appendages. This was not to be, however. I found out I was worse at it than a rheumatic zebra.

My fellow contributors will no doubt find this hilarious, given almost all of them can play (multiple) instruments and/or sing.

The upside to not playing an instrument is you can judge others far, far worse than yourself and this makes me smile.