Communist Commercialism

In the dark days of the old Soviet Union, before Glasnost, Perestroika, Pirozki and even Blini, people needed to buy things and the State Department Store needed to tell people that new items are now on sale.

This though may seem a contradiction, given crass commercialism is the realm of the bourgeois capitalists out West and meant you were a heinous counter-revolutionary, earning you a swift one-way ticket to the hospitality of a Siberian Gulag.

Notwithstanding this, the State Department Store still needed to get the word out and there are few better ways of doing this than the television commercial. However, like all people struggling with unfamiliar concepts, like a bovine entertaining existentialist thoughts (why am I here? who is the "I"
that is doing the asking? what happens in that big grey building there?), the basic elements are there but there's just something missing compared to their capitalist cousins.

So what's wrong? Is it the dubious quality of the products? Is it the glassy eyed actors? Is it the horrendous soundtrack? Is it the way it makes you scream "WTFFFFF??!!"?