Gimme some fuckin' reggae!

As Axl Rose once said in GnR's impromptu version of "Knockin On Heaven's Door" (Yeah, yeah, yeahyeahyeah).

You've probably already seen this but it's pure poetry - the first I ever watched was this one, the bus ridah episode. And like all great monuments of creativity, I'm not sure what exactly makes it funny. Some people I show it to go, "What the fuck does this mean?!" but that's what I say to art house films. Pointless and funny beats pointless and weepy any fuckin' time mate.



And if you want to regale your friends with the lyrics:
"Jamaica man force me nearly dead with laugh"
"I watchin people rush the door like harbor shark."
"So come!"
"Fun time, the yeah, time for the bus rider(s)"

So come!

The greatest country on Earth

The great Homeland, cradle of the master race, etcetera. Only true liberty and democracy could spew (literally) forth such gems.

Hobbies of the proletariat include random imbibing of syrup of ipecac. The net effect of which is to induce vomiting. Not just any vomiting mind you, projectile vomiting, like that kid from South Park. Yes people do this for fun in the beautiful country, do a search if you don't believe me.

Oh you can also abuse this stuff if you're bulimic, alot more convenient than stuffing your fingers down your throat. Are we taking notes yet?

The most amazing part about this stuff is not the fact people do this for fun, but that it makes your spew a solid stream. Wow.

How much is fat Steven Segal's dignity worth? About $1000. Pretty cheap, all things considered. It takes awhile but watch for the magic to start at around 2:05. There's a kicker right towards the end too. Remember, patience is a virtue.



Three girls downing food colouring-laced Ipecac. Shot in a graveyard for added "awesomement". Slightly better than the first one because the girls are not only easier on the eye but you can actually see the chunks. This could just be a case of personal preference. All depends if you like creamy or extra chunky.



Lastly, because everyone loves Family Guy. Note how similar the effects are to the real life examples above. Life imitating arse perhaps?

Koreans are weird

There's something seriously wrong with your culture if you train your little baby girls to dance/act/dress like a paedophile's wet dream.



Some of you might think this video is cute, but I think it is very WHAT THE FUCK?!

And that's all that matters.

Behold ye multitudes, The Messiah

Ingredients

1 whole Son of God
1 scene Son of God on scooter
1 scene Son of God getting haircut
Many scenes Son of God kicking undead posterior
1 Ugly Neo
1 Fat Trinity
1 Jeep that can hold more people than most MPVs
1 clutch atheists
1 Shaolin temple escapee
1 Cup bile
1 sprig bad taste to garnish


Directions

1. Place above elements in hands of B-movie filmmakers
2. Combine ingredients in crack-fuelled frenzy and whisk vigorously till smooth
   
3. Place in a cool dark dumpster to fester for approximately two months
4. Turn once every few days to ensure even decomposition
   
5. Remove from dumpster and top evenly with bile
6. Sprinkle liberally with bad taste
7. Serves one theatre
   

WTF could we forget these shows

Suffice it to say, they just don't make em' like this anymore. Movies that make you laugh, and cry for laughing, then retire to be a hermit on Christmas Island because your friends put up a video of you rubbing up against your dog on youtube as a joke. Uh. Not that it happened to me.

Silence of the Hams


Top Secret


Fatal Instinct


The Man With 2 Brains


"She's not drunk! She's dead!" "Oh My God I'd better get her to a cemetery right away!"

Hahah What the fuck!

what, no sex?

I was fully expecting this to be a bad sex video, but it turns out I'd been cheated by the title (and no, I don't mean that it's a GOOD sex video).

It's just a bunch of boring stuffy characters showing off that they have "hidden talents". Like it's so great to be working and still be able to play the guitar or frigging take photographs. For instance, it's much more impressive that I'm able to post on this blog while I'm at work, play the keyboard with my feet, use my tongue to operate my phone camera AND still be able to talk to my colleague through the ruckus.

But I digress:



As for the climax at the end, I reserve comment other than "what the fuck".

What the fight is this?

Personally I find these clips awesome, but I've been told that they are awful, and that I deserve to be flogged for showing them around. 

Mmmm.

Here they are!

The Undefeatables

Wow, have you ever seen a guy who enjoys licking knives that much? Maybe he got it to the fight so he had an excuse to lick the knife. "Yeah come on man lets tussle so I can like my kniifffeee yum yum" But its more likely that he uses it for spreading peanut butter on non-aggro days, so it always tastes good!

RIKI OH (Strength King)

Next time I see a hardcore martial arts kind of guy on street, I'll ask him if he ever learnt to tie his severed tendon back with his teeth, or strangle people with his own intestines. If you happen to be around, please call me an ambulance.

What the fuck.

Bad acting masterclass

There is a point of no return, when the acting in a movie is so shit, that the people making it just go all out and make it as bad as it can be. And then magic happens ...it finds its way here to be scalded into your memory.

From Troll 2

Oh my god indeed.

From Tough Guys don't Dance (Yes, the title in itself a big Wtf)

Religion seems to be a consistent theme as far as bad acting is concerned.

Okay this takes a bit to warm up

But its worth the wait

And from Witchcraft 7 (Apparently)

When I grow up, I want to be a boss just like that!

What the fuck.

Uhm Uluv!

Welcome to What the fuck am I watching? Thrill yourself with the most awesome and awful videos the internet has to offer.

And the winner of our first inaugural WTF Oscar goes to ...

GYMKATA!



Admittedly, it takes a certain kind of crackpot genius to combine gymnastics and karate into a martial arts spy movie set in time transcendent parts of Europe with NINJAS. The climatic action scene below gave me a brain sprain. Apparently pommel horses are very popular recreational public fixtures in most medieval angry mob villages, where the the villagers are taught to chant in tune and bang their impromptu weapons in time with any fight music that might occur in the midst of their day.



Seriously...what the fuck.